Forgive me as I step outside my apologetics "box"
for a minute and post my thoughts on one aspect of what it means to be a man.
Maybe this post isn't all that removed from my usual efforts to make a case for
the Christian worldview, particularly with all the recent talk in the
blogosphere related to the egalitarian / complementarian debate. I do have some
observations related to “Christian masculinity”, and these ideas came to mind
recently in a conversation with my son.
It's probably no surprise that so much literature has been
devoted to the fairy tale relationship between princes and princesses. As my
daughters were growing up, we watched many Disney movies featuring a princess
of one nature or another. In all of these tales, a prince rescued the princess,
and most of these princes had to overcome some type of "dragon".
There is a universal need, it seems, to locate and identify ourselves within
this narrative. We are either princes or princesses, and all of us have an
innate need to rescue or be rescued. This classic form of storytelling reflects
our human identity and condition. There is much we can learn from studying its
nuances.
I am an older guy with thirty-three years of experience
as a would-be dragon slayer (I met my wife Susie in 1979). I've tried to be
very thoughtful about my approach to my marriage; I've learned a few things
about the nature of princes in my own meager attempt to be a good one. My chief
observation is this: there's more to being a dragon slayer than simply slaying
dragons. In fact, the dragon slaying part is really not what ought to define or
motivate us as princes. We are dragon slayers not because we can kill the
dragon, but because we have a princess to rescue. It's our relationship to this
princess that truly defines us, and at the end of the day, we can only call
ourselves successful if our princesses know that they were the focus of our
efforts. Our princesses must know that they were important enough to be saved
and that we, as their dragon slayers, were committed to that effort.
I've known a lot of police officers over the years. They
were all excellent dragon slayers, but not all of them were excellent men or
husbands. In fact, it seemed like many of them had been through more than their
fair share of marriages and struggled deeply in their personal relationships.
Some of them believed that their ability to slay the dragon was all that was
necessary to define themselves as good men. They were good cops, tough and
courageous, but seldom thought about what made them valuable to their wives.
Dragon slaying was enough at first, but along the way they lost their focus and
desire to lay down everything to save their princesses. They continued to be
tough and courageous in one aspect of their lives but forgot to be tender and
sacrificial in the most important area of their lives. Without a princess to
save, none of us can truly call ourselves dragon slayers.
Christian complementarianism maintains that God created
men and women with the same essential (innate) dignity and personhood, but with
different and complementary functions within their marital and relational
settings and within the setting of God’s family (the Church). Some find this
view troubling and sexist (especially when it comes to church leadership). But
the Christian call to husbands and wives is the same. It is to "submit to one
another" (Ephesians 5:21). This looks a bit different for each of us as,
depending on whether we are a husband or a wife. Some of my Christian
brothers are fond of focusing primarily on those portions of Paul's letter to
the Ephesians that deals with a wife's submission to her husband, but the
important call for all of us as dragon slayers is found in Ephesians 5:25...
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."
Jesus was foremost among dragon slayers, conquering sin and
saving all of us from a life of regret and an eternity of separation. As men,
we find our fullest fulfillment when we identify ourselves as Christ followers:
as dragon slayers and heroes. This involves more than having a dragon to slay.
It involves having a princess to save. It's not just about our professional
success, our physical prowess, or our machismo and confidence. It's about
understanding the importance of sacrifice, humility and service. It's about
moving beyond the dragon and placing someone else’s needs, hopes, desires and
ambitions ahead of our own. Princes become true dragon slayers when they have a
princess to save.
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