Over the years as a pastor, I’ve had the privilege of
performing a number of weddings. These are joyous occasions and I always feel a
burden to say something profound and meaningful. I probably fail to accomplish
this most of the time, but I try. The best wedding sermons usually contain some
form of “advice”, and the best advice comes from the heart. I always try to
share some profound piece of wisdom gleaned from my experience as a husband or
from my own observations as a pastor, counselor and friend. There’s always one
thing I am eager to share with people who are getting married: I always remind
them that their commitment to their marriage is more important than their
commitment to their spouse.
My wife, Susie, is quick to point out that this advice seems
a bit harsh for a wedding sermon. Maybe she’s right, but I can’t emphasize
enough how important it is to be committed to a happy, loving marriage, even
before you ever decide who you want
to partner with in that marriage. In fact, I think it’s important to be more committed to a happy, loving marriage
than you are to your spouse. I grew up in a broken home; my parents divorced
when I was three years old. Growing up, however, I was fully aware of the fact
that both my parents loved me deeply. They spent time with me, helped me
whenever I needed help and did everything (and more) that could be asked of a
parent. But they weren’t married, and this fact presented me with a number of
challenges over the years. I had a fine childhood, but there is no doubt that
it would have been much better if my parents had been able to stay together in
a loving relationship.
The value of such a marriage is often underestimated and
underappreciated. Surveys and studies repeatedly confirm, however, children do
best (in virtually every conceivable area of measurement) when raised by their
two biological parents in a low conflict setting. Loving married families are
better for kids than loving divorced families. Loving married families are
better for kids than loving blended families. Marriage matters.
Those of us who care deeply about marriage usually express
that concern by focusing our attention and commitment on our spouse. But let’s
face it, there are times during a marriage when our relationship with our
spouse may be less than ideal. Every marital relationship has ups and downs;
peaks and valleys. There are times when we enjoy each other greatly and times
when we enjoy each other “less greatly”. If you’re married, you know what I
mean. It’s easy to be committed to your spouse in the good times, but in the
hard times, it’s important to remain committed to your marriage, even when you
may not feel that great about your spouse. Marriage is more important than the
person you happened to be married to.
Don’t misunderstand what I am saying here. It’s my hope that
my commitment to a loving, happy marriage results in a deep, committed, loving
relationship with my wife. Commitment to one, results in commitment to the
other. It’s possible to be in love with your spouse without being in love with
marriage. But when times get tough and your love for your spouse is tested, it’s
far easier to walk away from him or her if you don’t value marriage above
everything else. If a happy, loving marriage is your goal, you’ll take great
care to make sure your relationship with your spouse is in good shape.
As Christians, we ought to be examples to the world around
us. We, of all people, ought to understand that our vow to our spouses is
actually a contract with God, the transcendent Creator of the Universe.
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