I first noticed the problem as a Gang Detail officer in the
early 1990’s. Our city was culturally and ethnically diverse, and we had a gang
problem that seemed to transcend ethnic, cultural, and socio-economic
boundaries. We had wealthy Korean gangsters, middle class white gangsters, and
upper, middle class and lower class Hispanic and African American gangsters. I
was raising two and four year old boys at the time and I was interested in what
caused the young men in my community to become gangsters in the first place. It
certainly didn’t seem to be something in their culture; they came from very
diverse backgrounds. What was it? The more I got to know these gang members,
the clearer the problem became: all of them suffered from “lack of dad.”
Many of the white gangsters had fathers that were
uninvolved, alcoholic or “deadbeat” dads. Many of the Korean fathers were first
generation Koreans who never learned the English language, started businesses
in our community and worked so hard that they had absolutely no relationship
with their sons. Some of the Hispanic fathers were incarcerated and most of our
Hispanic gangsters came from a multi-generational gang culture. Many of the
African-American gangsters told me that they never even knew their father; they
had been raised by mothers and grandmothers without their biological dads. Over
and over again I saw the same thing: young men who were wandering without
direction or moral compass, in large part because they didn’t have a father at
home to teach them. Many studies have
confirmed my own anecdotal observations.
I can remember seeing a movie during my tour on the Gang
Detail. It was called "Boyz 'N The Hood". My partner told me I
simply had to see it. I thought it was one of the best movies ever made on the
importance of fatherhood. The primary character is a young man who is raised by
his mother until he starts to go astray. His mom then delivers him to his
father who begins to raise him up in a tough neighborhood but manages to
provide him with the moral role modeling he really needed. The movie
demonstrated what I learned as a Gang Detail officer: it takes a man to teach a
boy how to be a man.
I’ve also learned
this first-hand. My dad was largely absent in my childhood and it was tough to
understand my role in the world as a man without the daily input from my
father. I noticed that as I reached my teen years, I was actually interested in
reaching out to my dad and making sure we had a relationship. I needed him. In
many ways, I became him in an effort
to understand what it was to be a man. I ended up leaving a career in the arts
to follow him into Law Enforcement. The power and guidance of a father is an
undeniable force in the life of a young man.
As Christians, we
ought to get this more than any other group. Scripture is filled with passages
that describe the importance of fathers. In addition, the Bible consistently
references fatherhood in an effort to analogize God’s relationship with each of
us. What does Scripture tell us about the role of Fathers? First and foremost,
we are to be teachers:
Deuteronomy 6:6-9
"These commandments that I give you today
are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when
you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when
you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
This is the role and duty of fathers; to teach our kids to embrace
the image of God in which they were created. So today, on Thanksgiving Day, I
would like all of the fathers who read this post to recognize their debt to
their own fathers. If your father was absent, be grateful that you have a
chance to do what he never did. Be a dad. Start teaching your kids. Take the
words of Dr. Tony Evans to heart:
“It is a fool who says. ‘I do not
tell my children what to believe’, because if you don’t, someone else
will. The drug addicts are commanding your children and your children are
obeying. The lust mongers are commanding your daughters and your
daughters are obeying. For God’s sake YOU command something!”
J. Warner Wallace is the author of Cold Case Christianity.
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